How do you live in reality when you're constantly exposed to things you read or see every day, but you're not actually there? You don't know the real story? Sure, you can form your own opinions, but some people are too trusting or too gullible. I've never liked the word "fan"; it suggests an unrealistic liking to something or someone that's only a commodity. I've never met him, talked to him, touched him or been in the same room with him, but I have taken an unrealistic liking to Johnny Depp.

It's too bad I'm not the only person who thinks the following things about him; he's sensitive, he's romantic, he's tender, he's sweet, he's friendly, he's funny, he doesn't care about people's backgrounds, like race, religion, economic status, looks, etc. He loves people for people. This quote has always been in my mind and has only added to my torture of not being with him.

"It's ok to be different; it's good to be different. We should question ourselves before we pass judgment on someone who looks different, talks, different, behaves different, is a different color." For those people who know me, this concept has been a passion of mine for a long time; treating people as people, not as outcasts. Yes, Johnny smokes. Yes, he's had drinking problems. But, he's a good man, I feel it so strongly! I can only think of him. There's no way to get in touch with him, talk to him, nothing. I only make stories up in my head of us together, not necessarily all sexual. I imagine us working together musically, I imagine us talking together about philosophy and culture. I also love his openness and somewhat rebellious nature in choosing what to do for yourself; don't listen to other people's opinions; he never has, not with his movie choices, how he dresses, how he lives his life, nothing. I SO envy that. If someone has a magic answer as to how to get rid of Johnny Depp in my life, I welcome it. Please don't judge me. This is hard enough, holding onto someone I don't even know, doesn't even know I exist. Why does reality have to suck so much?