So, when you live in certain places, certain cities or states, you find yourself being automatically put into a crowd or surrounded by certain types of people. I never really considered myself a true follower, although one of the very BANES of my existence has been my bad habit of pleasing people. From the first day of college, I was inserted into a world of vanity. People I lived with and went to church looked like they had just stepped out of People magazine. My second apt was not as bad, but I was in a bad place myself, so I didn't necessarily care about fitting in. I cared about shutting people out. My third apt was basically like the first one. I had made some friends here and there, but the whole time, I wanted to wear high heels, the latest fashions, the brightest colors, wear makeup every day, wear my hair in the latest trends. Now, I care about a different type of fitting in. I want to be the best girl I can be so a guy can look and me and want to date, marry and fall madly in love with me. A friend of mine recently said, "Forget him. You don't need to have people in your life who don't make you feel like you're loved or lovable. YOU need to feel like you're loved and lovable. You need to make yourself feel that way." How?! How do you become your VERY best self that you end up falling in love with yourself? I constantly look at my body or my leg braces and think..."Ugh". I look like a messed up little girl with big breasts. I feel so messed up inside. This journey of self-discovery and self-love is one of the HARDEST things to endure. You only have one body, one mind, right? We've all heard that lecture. It's up to you to make the best of it, blah blah blah. I want to look at myself in the mirror and say, "Hello, gorgeous. I love you." Work in progress, I guess.
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